i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
