More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
