Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
