They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
