I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
