Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
