we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
