Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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