Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
