Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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