You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
