Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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