Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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