it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
