I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Barsexuality is the new black.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
