if only i could text you this smell
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So vagazzling was a success
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
ok first of all what the fuck
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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