He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
