I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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