The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
