cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
