I'm going to jail i love you
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
