New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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