I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Houston, we have a blender
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
