I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Are we still banned from the library?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
