we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
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