i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
