The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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