So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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