hotel room ftw
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
