but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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