im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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