i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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