Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When are your genitals available?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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