It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
