I want to have your abortion
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
