just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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