I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
