Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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