I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
