I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
