i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
