Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize