do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
