Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
