I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
