Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
