It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize