She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
if only i could text you this smell
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so let's talk penis.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
