You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
