He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize