So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I could make wine with my vomit
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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