so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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