oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
