Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
