If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
