YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
