i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
