He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize