I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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