Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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