yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
