honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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