i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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