you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
