Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
