How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
