I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
