We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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