Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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