i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
