Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
