thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
